Jimmy Carr on “8-out-of-10 Cats”:

“Im not sure I agree with the morality of eating meat.

In fact, I only eat what I can kill…

But there’s not much meat on a sleeping vagrant”

Well moving home and country has completely interrupted normal service (whatever that is) on this ‘blog! So here is a ‘joke’ to curry favor with any (hah!) visitors (a joke in itself, I fear!… although I’ll have you know I have returned to find 706 comments awaiting moderation…no doubt 100% viagra/phentermine/and all the other spammy meds offers most of you probably get all too often harassed with!)…Anyway, an acquaintance sent me this and I thought it rang true enough to pass on:

“Why Men Are Just Happier People…

NICKNAMES

If Laura , Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura , Kate and Sarah

If Mike , Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike , Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get the bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from Holiday Inn.

The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337.
(A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.)

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.”